They Castrated Rudolph!

Hold up. So now, Rudolph — you know, the infamously-red-nosed reindeer — is either a girl or (gasp!) a eunich?

Seriously?

Well, suddenly that relationship between Rudolph and Hermie the dentist seems a little less… you know, suspicious. 

"Well, this is awkward!"

Apparently, scientists at Edinburgh University have come to the conclusion that Rudolph couldn’t possibly be a male reindeer because only females of the species still have their antlers at Christmas time. “Rudolph clasically is this red-nosed reindeer who is around at Christmas,” says Professor Gerald Lincoln. “We picture him in the snow with his antlers, but if you know anything about nature, you discover things are not quite so straightforward,” concludes Dr. Smarty Pants. 

What strikes me as particularly odd is that the two professors responsible for this ground-breaking “discovery” will actually present their findings during a talk on December 9.

Let me ask you this: How, exactly, have you made the world a better place by taking something as frivolous and innocent as a beloved children’s story and used science to debunk it? How about you spend more time curing cancer or AIDS and less time spouting crap about how “Rudolph could be a castrated male.” I’m pretty sure nobody wants to be thinking about that as the holiday season approaches! I mean, “Rudolph The Castrated Reindeer” doesn’t have nearly the same ring to it!

So forgive us if we ignore you, professors. We will, however, give you this lovely parting gift. Wear it proudly!