No Girls Allowed!

This meeting of the He Man Woman Haters Club shall come to order!

We have a busy agenda this month, so let's get right down to business. First up? We'd like to congratulate our members from the state of Virginia for passing legislation requiring that women seeking an abortion be vaginally probed against their will. There are some questions as to how we'll manage to get around the fact that doing so basically constitutes rape, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

On a similar note, everyone should take a moment to thank future He-Man Woman Haters Club President Rick Santorum for taking such a brave stance when it comes to the evils of this nation's real problems, most of which involve silly women not knowing what's good for them. He knows that birth control is only used by sinners "seeking license to do things in the sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be" and that if women are put on the front lines of a military operation we He Men, despite hating them, might get all ooey-gooey inside and feel the need to protect them. We are, after all, only human!

We also need to give a big shout-out to all of our members who've been out there doing their darndest to advance the "personhood" agenda (which would basically outlaw all abortions and most contraception), which will go a long way toward making sure that gals stay barefoot and pregnant, the way God -- who is, after all, a man -- intended them to be.

Next, we need to give a big shout-out to some of the little ladies who have helped drive up our membership numbers even while they sabotaged their own kind. That includes Callista "Stand By Someone Else's Man" Gingrich, Michele "I Set The Idea Of A Female President Back A Century" Bachmann, and Arizona Governor Jan "Off With Their Heads" Brewer.

Last, but far from least, we want to give a special welcome to our first Honorary Dude, Ann Coulter, for her recent comment that “all pretty girls are right-wingers.” She does the GOP… er, I mean the He-Man Woman Haters Club proud.