Oscar’s A Grouch!

When you realize that this article is taking the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences to task for barring the Muppets from performing at this year’s Oscars, I know what you’ll be thinking. You’ll be thinking, “But is that rude? Keeping them from performing their Best Original Song nominee, ‘Man or Muppet,’ is stupid, sure, and a real buzzkill. But I don’t know about rude.”  

Well, it is rude, and I’ll tell you why.  

The world is a crappy, unpleasant, dreadful, damn near altogether rotten kinda place. (Don’t believe me? Ride a subway. Ever.) There is good in the world, sure. But there is bad, too, and it isn’t passive aggressive, it’s aggressive aggressive. It seeks at every turn to stink up any good that crosses its path and/or knock it down. And that’s rude. (To the nth degree, in fact.)

But you know what’s ruder still? Making a conscious, calculated decision to keep that which is good — like, say, a wonderful, sweet, funny song like “Man or Muppet” — from people who could really stand to see and hear some good. (That would be us.) And that is what the powers that be behind the Oscars are doing. They say they are worried about time constraints (at the Oscars?!), and making the telecast the most exciting three hours possible (exciting?!). But I ask you, what are they planning that would — that even could! — be more enjoyable than a musical interlude by the Muppets?  

There is nothing.  

Yet they want to dim the bright lights and broad smiles that the Muppets represent — and turn away their fans young and old. They don’t want to take away from even a moment of Hollywood self-aggrandizing to just make their audience happy. To make us happy for less than three minutes, for Pete’s sake. (The whole song is only 2:57! Although who would object to a “Me Party” mash-up? Oh, right, the Academy.)  

You know what? On second thought, you were right from the start. This boneheaded decision by Team Oscar isn’t rude. It’s just plain evil. Go ahead and say it, fancypants telecast producers. I know you want to. Maniacal laugh. Maniacal laugh. Just know, we are not laughing with you.

Want to join the cause? Head over to the Facebook page MONO: Muppets Or No Oscar to voice your opinion!