Ladies, please don’t take this the wrong way, but man… y’all must be some kinda stupid.
For generations, women were stay-at-home moms who knew that raising a family was a full-time job. Frankly, it was one few men could handle, especially given the non-existent pay and a benefit package that revolved around them receiving flowers, chocolate and paintings made out of macaroni one crappy day in May.
Then someone out there shouted, “Hey… we can have babies, raise them, do the dishes, vacuum the rugs… and have jobs, too! We can do it all!”
“That's not white-out. It's baby pukey."
I’m pretty sure the instigator was a guy, probably wearing drag, who thought it was worth a try. “Surely,” he probably thought, “they won’t go for this!”
How wrong he was.
The next thing he knew, women were burning their bras and throwing themselves into the workforce willy-nilly, with the man sitting back and thinking, “Geez… life is good. We have an extra income ’cause she works all day, and she still puts dinner on the table every night and takes care of the kids! Sweet!”
But then, things went too far.
Because women started taking their babies into the workplace… and we’re not talking about Bring Your Child To Work Day, but drag-your-kid-along-every-single-damn-day. And of course, what was good for the goose is good for the gander, so soon dads followed suit. Before long, offices across the country began taking on the appearance of Romper Room and the smell of dirty diapers.
It's all fun and games until little Susie shoots daddy's boss for not giving her candy.
Now, before all you mommies and daddies start hyperventilating, we’re not referring to the occasional visits where everyone gets to coo over a co-worker’s adorable child so that the parent can be reassured that their kid ain’t ugly. (Because while no parent will admit it, they all fear that’s the case… and are so desperate for positive reinforcement that they somehow forget all the times they called a child cute to its parents face only to later make unfavorable comparisons to Fidel Castro or Donatella Versace.)
Meet the child Tom and Katie traded for Suri.
We’re talking about the people who bring their child in on a regular basis, ignoring the pained expressions on those forced to listen to the child cry all afternoon. The women who breastfeed during meetings. The dads who turn a blind eye as their pride and joy knock over trash cans and steal things off desks. The parents who routinely hand off their children to subordinates as if “daycare provider” were part of their job description.
It takes a village to raise a child, but it only takes one unruly kid to disrupt an entire office. And it’s not the child’s fault… after all, if being at the office eight hours a day was fun, they wouldn’t call it work, right?
