Paging Officer Ben, Officer Jerry

I was checking out of the grocery store today with about 20-30 items, using a regular check-out aisle. A woman got in line behind me and sighed heavily several times, obviously trying to get my attention. When that failed, she tapped me on the shoulder, held up her single item and said, “You have to let me go before you.” Looking up, I replied, “Um, you know, there are express aisles, and even a self-check-out line for people with a few items, or just the one, like you have.” This obviously was not the answer she was hoping for. “My husband is a police officer!” she said in a commanding tone. “This is an emergency!” Looking at the item she held in her hand, I smiled. “Um, an ice cream-related emergency?” I asked. “I will have him arrest you!” she declared, to which I responded, “For what? Creating a public disturbance? Harassment? Oh, wait, those would both be against you, won’t they?” I said. Offering her my phone, I said, “Why don’t you give him a call?” Throwing the ice cream container on the floor, she shouted, loudly, “I will never shop here again!” I can’t be sure, but I swear I heard the cashier say, just under her breath, “Yeah, right. We all wish!”