1. Stop signs are never optional.

2. Don’t block streets or parking lots when you’re in traffic. Just because you’re stuck in traffic doesn’t mean everyone on the other side of the road needs to be as well. It only makes YOU look stupid.

3. Did I mention that stop signs are not optional? Because they’re NOT. I wish I could put a cop at every stop sign, so that you’d all get tickets for your stupidity, and then hopefully you’d learn to use your damn breaks. But then… this far into the game, if you haven’t learned yet, you’re too stupid to ever get the picture. I still hope you all get pulled over. Over and over again.

4. Use. your. blinker. It’s not an accessory, that little lever attached to your steering wheel. It’s there to warn other drivers that you’re changing lanes or turning. It comes BUILT IN. I hope you get a ticket for not using your blinker to change lanes. Seriously.

That is all.

Today’s lesson: If you’re gonna kill yourself, do it quickly. Nobody wants to be inconvenienced as you waffle about such an important decision… especially if you’re standing atop a bridge, causing traffic to grind to a halt beneath you.

Today’s other lesson: If you’re going to “help” someone with their decision as to whether or not to kill themselves, be polite about it.

That’s exactly what 66-year-old Lai Jiansheng did after Bejing resident Chen Fuchao climbed atop a bridge and contemplated jumping, causing the span to be shut down and traffic to be backed up for nearly five hours.

Approaching the wishy-washy jumper, Jiansheng shook the man’s hand… and then gave the guy a shove off the bridge!

“I pushed him because jumpers like Chen are very selfish,” he told reporters. “Their action violates a lot of public interest. They do not really dare to kill themselves. Instead, they just want to raise the relevant government authorities’ attention to their appeals.”

The jumper-turned-pushee fell onto a partially-inflated pad being set up by authorities, suffering non-fatal injuries.

The ironic twist to this tale? The pusher has an unspecified “mental illness” and was on his way to the hospital… to get a refill on his happy pills.

To the gentlemen in the Ford f-150 who has insisted on turning his bright lights on as he goes up the on-ramp to the interstate behind me for the last 3 mornings, stop. Please, just stop. I don’t know what you think this is accomplishing. I can’t go any faster than the octogenarian in the Buick in front of me. I don’t plan on doing any light reading while I am driving, so I do not need the light. My sudden braking and the silohuette of my middle finger you can see thanks to my brightly-lit (by you) rear window, that is a sign that you should stop.